Surely on some occasion, your son or daughter has not wanted to give a kiss to that friend you met on the street, that distant uncle that you hardly know or even a close relative. This situation is usually quite uncomfortable since it is customary to greet people with some type of physical contact, be it a kiss, a hug or a handshake. So, many parents feel embarrassed when their children do not want to kiss certain people, as they fear that they will be considered rude.
However, we must begin to change the chip and respect the decisions and feelings of our children. Because what really is disrespectful is forcing a child to do something he doesn't want to do. Can you imagine that you are going down the street and someone you hardly know asks you for a kiss? How would you react?
Why shouldn't you force your kids to hugs and kisses?
For children, hugs and kisses are demonstrations of true love
For the children, kisses and hugs are a sign of affection between people close to or for whom you feel a certain affection. Children often kiss their parents, grandparents, or siblings to show their love. But it is normal that they feel reluctant to kiss a person with whom they have little contact or barely know. In addition, it is good that they are selective and learn to differentiate with those who want to have those displays of affection and with those who simply want to be courteous.
Because we let them understand that their emotions are not important
If you force your child to kiss someone when they don't feel like it, you are sending the message that your feelings don't matter and whatever these are, you should ignore them to please the other person. This can lead to them having difficulties in the future to express what they feel and to trust their instincts, being more easily manipulated by malicious people.
Because we convey to them the idea that their body does not belong to them
When you make your child have unwanted physical contact, you are teaching him that his body cannot dispose of his body and decide over it. This, in a society in which child sexual abuse is so frequent, is very dangerous. If you have taught your child to give kisses even if they don't feel like it, when someone with bad intentions approaches them, the child will obey even feeling bad since they understand that they have to please adults at the cost of their feelings. So, To avoid abuse, it is essential that children are aware that no one should ever touch their body if they do not want them to.
Giving kisses or hugs are not synonymous with good manners
Although in our culture greeting with a kiss or a hug is synonymous with good manners, it is not the only way to express good manners. Teach your kids what They can be polite and express affection in many ways other than physical contact. E.g., always greeting and saying good morning or good night to other people, thanking the details or gifts with a thank you and a smile and always behaving correctly before others.
It is important for children to be clear about the difference between being polite and loving. Affection must be expressed naturally, never by obligation or social conventions. Remember to always ask your son or daughter if they want to greet someone with a hug or kiss. If he answers no, calm down, you should not be ashamed or force him to do it. Surely with time and our example, he will learn to differentiate those affectionate kisses from courtesy kisses. In this way, you will be helping him to grow up with a healthy emotional balance and knowing that his feelings are always validated.