Force creates recoil. All humans resist control, and children are no different. The more they feel "pushed", the more rebellious they show themselves and the more complacent children lose the initiative and the ability to defend themselves.
It is that you choose your battles. You have to make sure that your child knows that you are on his side and that you have options to give him. Teach your child instead of trying to control it. Listening to your child elevates a person who can think for himself, stand up for what is right and are not likely to take advantage of it.
Arguments about whether children are spoiled always accuse parents of raising children who are not obedient, as if obedience is the holy grail that parents should aspire to. But don't you want to raise a child who is self-disciplined and WANTS to cooperate? That is very different from obedience, where the discipline comes from outside the child. As HL Mencken put it: “Morality is doing the right thing no matter what you are told. Obedience is doing what you are told no matter what is right. "
Children ignore parents because "parents want their children's approval" and "worry that we are going to harm… children by frustrating them." This accusation appears in every discussion claiming that today's children are spoiled. But it's just not like that.
Does setting empathic limits sound like a lot of work? It is, at first. It would certainly be easier if the children immediately complied with all of our directives. But the good news is that following these practices consistently not only raises a self-disciplined child, it raises a child who knows you will stick to it, so you don't need to be asked five times to do something. Which makes it much easier for them to collaborate on tasks, always with empathy and patience.