During adolescence our children need more than ever our active listening, but what is this? How is it done? What benefits does it have for them? These and other questions are what we are going to solve. You will soon realize that even if you may not know the name, active listening is what you have been practicing since you were children.
Active listening is nothing other than listening to the boy, or girl, now a teenager, understand how you feel and show that you are listening and understanding. What seems simple is not so simple, because adolescents tend to believe that nobody listens to them, nobody understands them, and this nobody refers mainly to their parents.
What is active listening?
There are people who naturally have more skills than others to do active listening. But this is a abilitytherefore, it can be acquired and developed with practice. Exactly, with practice. It is not enough to actively listen to our adolescent when he wants to share an issue, but rather to you have to do it all the time, no matter how tired and busy we are.
Active listening is not listening to the other person, but rather being focused on the message that our son or daughter tries to communicate. It is not about waiting for him to shut up to tell him the speech we have been making while he or she speaks. The empathy it is an important value in listening, placing oneself in the place of the other, and also emotional validation, acceptance and feedback. We must listen Without judgment.
There are two elements that facilitate active listening: the psychological disposition, identify the content of what our son or daughter says, their goals and their feelings; and the expression we maintain while listening to him. Non-verbal communication is just as important as verbal communication.
How to keep it with teenagers?
As we have said, adolescence is a complicated period, but adolescents are not continually in crisis. Take advantage of, or create, times when they are expansive and share their ideas to practice active listening. This technique, to call it that, will allow you to expand information and get to know your daughter or son better.
In addition to these moments you can also use active listening before questions that seem more banal. To show him that you are listening to him, the first thing is do not interrupt him, or change the subject, let him guide the conversation where he wants. If, for example, he comments on a movie, you can repeat the last thing he said, like ... in California? , so he will know that you are taking care of him. Or also ask him for more information about that typical movie, and is it from the same director as the one in which ...? And what did you think of the soundtrack, with what you like music you don't say anything? ...
If you want to investigate their emotions or their opinion, it is not enough to ask for it and then leave it hanging there. Needs a feedback, from "clear" to "I don't agree with you, but it seems like an interesting point of view." It is not about criticizing or underestimating your emotions.
Benefits of active listening
Once you start practicing active listening with your teenager, you will find that he or she will learn it too. This is one of the benefits, which will serve you inside and outside the family. In studies, with friends, and later in the workplace, active listening is the first step to know how to negotiate, and to be able to clearly present ideas.
Without realizing it, only with order ideas, and expressing them the solution to the problems will be closer. You will be becoming catalyst important for the adolescent to organize their feelings and feel more secure when making decisions.
Active listening well used generates trust, closeness and securityDo you know of anything that teenagers need more than that? In addition, your interlocutor, your son, will feel that when you speak, you paid attention to him and you give him importance. This will probably encourage you to open up and open up a bit more.