Making a schedule is creating a chart that will help you organize your life with your ex and your children. A Divorcio or a separation is not easy at all, there are many emotions and discomfort that are generated in these processes, but It is important that parents do their part to make life easier for their children as much as possible.
A schedule will help children adjust to their new life, with their parents separated. The ideal is to distribute responsibilities equally in terms of child custody, but it is also about children seeing how you want to cooperate for their good. Because even if you are no longer a couple, you will always be their parents.
Plan a schedule that works
When it comes to designing a parenting schedule to make it work, both you and your ex should keep the following in mind:
- Understand children. Traveling back and forth between two homes is not easy. But neither of you is adjusting to not living with both parents when that is the only living arrangement your children have ever known. Before making a decision on your co-parenting schedule, think about your children and imagine everyday life for them. As will be?
- Live near. If you are going to share the time of upbringing With your ex, it is important that the two of you live close and that you try above all else. This will make it easier to go see the children, pick them up from school or do joint activities.
- Be aware of school hours and children's activities. If your children have after-school activities twice a week, you should keep these routines in mind and follow when planning the schedule.
- Children should be aware of everything. If you have small children, their opinion will be impractical. In this case, it will be up to you and your ex to find the best parenting decisions and thus decide what is best for children at each stage of their lives. If your children are older, then it is a good idea to talk openly about the parenting and family schedule. You can ask them if they have any preferences… listen to everything they have to say and involve them as much as possible. Remember that asking for their preference regarding certain days of the week is not the same as letting young children decide directly where they will live.
- Take into account any special needs. As parents, you know what their needs are. If any of your children have special needs, you will know how that impacts daily life, discipline or relationships with others. You must take all of this into account to help the child prosper.
What to avoid when planning a good schedule
If you really want to have a good schedule, there will be some aspects that you should put aside and that both your ex and you, go on the same path when it comes to parenting. Although it may seem somewhat complicated at first, it is necessary to do it and over timeYou will realize that this extra emotional effort is worth it for your children together.
Changes are never easy, especially when you have been governed by the same routine, schedules, customs or environments for years.
- Do not do it for convenience. The natural temptation is to create a parenting schedule that works for you. However, it's important to remember that the goal of the parenting schedule is to support your children's ongoing relationship with both parents, and that will require a good deal of commitment. Some of your family's parenting schedule decisions will align with what's convenient for you, and some may be inconvenient. Going into the process expecting to make sacrifices can help you feel less stressed about this.
- Don't focus on winning or losing. Raising your children is not a competition. You must focus on doing things in the best possible way by and for them. It can be tempting to keep track of how many sacrifices you are making compared to your ex. But remember: it's about doing what's best for your kids, not about how many times you have to give in. The reality is that both of you are going to make sacrifices, even if you don't always realize when your ex is going to make sacrifices.
- Don't use the schedule to get back at your ex. Your family's parenting plan is not an opportunity to sabotage your ex's personal or professional life by arranging "commitments" that involve significant sacrifices. Instead, you should focus on what your children need and put personal agendas aside. This is not the time to make your ex 'pay' for their past choices and the pain they have put you through.
- Don't assume that you do it better than anyone else. You may have more experience or knowledge when it comes to raising children, but avoid crisis by setting aside your possible arrogance. Just because you know more doesn't mean that your ex can't learn the same skills when given the opportunity to step up.
What else you should know
Once you have a basic parenting schedule in place with your ex, try to stick with the initial plan long enough so that everyone knows what works and what doesn't. What works is maintained and what does not, is discussed and improved.
Changes can always be made, but the ideal is to continue with the agreed plan for 2 to 4 weeks so that you can differentiate the things that are not going well and be able to adjust in time to changes in the first programming problems. You must have the parenting plan in writing and each parent must have a copy.
Making a schedule with your ex can be really beneficial because it allows you to have the same opinion and knowledge about eww process and children see how their parents cooperate for their good.
If you realize that it is not possible to agree anything with your ex, then you will have to do it by the courts. If you decide to do this, you will need to hire an attorney with experience in these matters to effectively represent you in these types of lawsuits. This option will be out of your decision and your ex, and you may even lose out. Friendly arrangements will always be better options.