Life as a couple changes completely after having a child and it is often normal to experience problems that did not exist before. In fact, during the first two years of the child's life, it is when these problems are most pronounced and more couples end up breaking up. To avoid this, it is essential to take into account issues such as respect, understanding or the distribution of tasks.
These differences appear before the change of roles in the couple. Where before everyone had their own space, now the time and dedication is exclusively for the baby. And this affects both the father and the mother, although in different ways. For the mother, the main problem comes from excessive responsibility, lack of rest and lack of time. The father, on the other hand, feels displaced and out of place. all of it added to the hormonal revolution, it can become a time bomb.
Why do couple problems appear after having a child?
There are many issues that put couples at odds with the arrival of children. Situations appear that, naturally, did not occur before. Issues such as how to want to educate children, parenting methods or the simple distribution of tasks, are the main reasons that lead a well-matched couple to have new problems that did not exist before.
In many cases, the situation could improve just by having a sincere conversation, learning to respect the other person's times and needs, and collaborating on tasks and new distribution of obligations with respect to the child. However, many people are not able to reach that point of understanding. And it is not just a female issue, logically since it is the woman who suffers the really brutal hormonal imbalance. For many men, it is difficult to assume that taking care of children is perhaps the hardest job in existence.
Guidelines to improve the relationship after the arrival of children
The first step to reach an understanding and begin to solve problems is to want to do it. have the ability to sit down and listen to what your partner has to say, listen to their needs without receiving them as a recrimination. These are other guidelines that you can consider to start improve the couple relationship.
- Avoid yelling and off-key arguments. The first step to end love is disrespect, in any of its versions. Do not let fatigue or disagreement with your partner make you forget everything that brought you together.
- Seek external help that allows you to have time as a couple. Because the lack of time for both increases the feeling that you no longer have anything in common. It is complex to delegate childcare, because one has the false belief that as a mother she should put her children before everything else. But being a mother does not eliminate your individuality, delegate and enjoy your time alone and also with your partner.
- Practice empathy and put yourself in your partner's shoes. It is possible that everything that makes you feel bad with your partner is nothing more than a consequence of a lack of empathy. Something natural and habitual, because it is normal to think about what affects oneself without taking into account what happens to the other. You are tired, you do not sleep enough, you do not have time to do what you like or you do not share the way of raising children with your partner. These are complex situations that must be worked on to improve, but they do not have to be the reason for a family breakdown.
Children should be a link between couples, the result of love between two people. Therefore, they should never be the reason for the separation of a couple. The differences may be many, but with love, care, empathy and understanding, it is possible to reach an understanding. Don't forget that you can also seek the services of a couples specialist that can help you solve relationship problems after the children.