On Tuesday, a Campaign promoted by the Ministry of Health, Social Services and Equality was presented, with the aim of publicizing the "Ten forms of digital gender violence". An insane use of Social Media and instant messaging, can distort interpersonal relationships, and lead to problems such as sexting or groominig. Hyperconnectivity “removes barriers” and facilitates communication, but it has also made possible the appearance of new forms of mistreatment of women.
The main product of the campaign is a video made by the organization Pantallas Amigas, which has been promoting the safe and healthy use of new technologies for 13 years, you can see it below. The audiovisual is designed to reach a young population, since (according to a study carried out by the CIS in 2015; or other sources), the situations of gender violence they are increasingly manifested among adolescents. My intention with this post is to launch some reflections, which allow us rethink this phenomenon, but above all the influence of the adult world in people who are in a stage of so many changes such as adolescence.
In the first place, to state that as a woman, mother and feminist, I believe in equality, in a social equality that at the same time allows us to be “humanly different” (as Rosa de Luxembourg wanted). Secondly, as a mother, I have a daughter and a son, both between 10 and 15 years old, that is: adolescents; I would like my daughter to know how to manage her relationships in a healthy way and to always maintain her own criteria and the ability to avoid people who could dominate her. I would like my son to build himself up as a person who believes in equality, and convinced that he must always respect the other party in friendship or romantic relationships.
This toxic society in which our girls and our boys have to live.
From now on, their lives will be conditioned by multiple factors, and they do not have to conform to my "ideation"; in fact, it would be desirable for their individual participation to be very high, although this will not always be the case. Once the adolescent has de-idealized parents, they “compete” with their peers, and things happen in the Institutes that most of us should not like, or rather: we should be aware of certain details that somehow shape the personality of young people.
Luckily, I have time and patience (the latter not always) to listen to children, they don't always count, but when they do, I'm there. Luckily too, I have access to other girls and other boys my children's age, and I also listen to them. Some of those things that happen are fights, other types of aggression, bullying, and sometimes even “hatred of the other” is encouraged (for reasons of sex, ethnicity, religion…). I do not know the percentage of these incidents, and on the other hand, I also like to think about all the good things that may be happening to them, yes, education as we know it is not what we want, but they learn to live together, meet other people, have the opportunity to learn, etc.
It is not the responsibility of teachers that boys and girls reproduce certain social models, since they see them on television series, or on their favorite YouTube channels, in the video gameThey even reproduce them by imitation (there are homophobic parents, whose ideas penetrate the developing minds of their children, for example). What happens afterwards when they share physical space with other 30 kids of their age for 6 hours, will not only depend on the amount of sexist stimuli to which they may be exposed, but will also be conditioned by that factor. And certain behaviors transcend the offline relationship, to manifest themselves through the WhatsApp.
We adults are the main responsible for inappropriate behavior.
So we have guys who control their partners, who get angry for not having an immediate response, who force them to be geolocated. Surely some of you know of a case, in which the woman who wishes to control is, in fact I am aware of it, but in gender violence it is mainly exercised on (or against) girls, there is no doubt about that.
We know the environment of young people, we know that SR can be used to socialize or have fun, but also to harm, we are aware that they are continually receiving inappropriate messages ... We have even read about all the changes they go through into adulthood, and the vulnerability of this stage., in which the brain is not yet finished forming. In fact, do we really know them as much as we think? Do we bother to know about them?
Do we have any idea what it means for someone at these ages to try to build their own identity while fitting into a group? Of the contradictions that they live and feel? Of your worries? Not long ago a 14-year-old girl with whom I was talking about the subject told me that she does see machismo in the institute, but she also sees boys pressured by their friends to change partners continuously, and many would not want to be in that situation . Let us not forget that what is easy for us, for them it is not so much, the life experience is a degree, although it is clear that if adolescence were characterized by having that experience, it would not be so fun.
There are days when I think that society really must undergo root changes to eradicate these problems, that only a campaign will be of little use; There are other days when I think that everything we do for them will be good. But let's not do it with a negative perception (saying for example "I have read that there is machismo in adolescence", as if our country was not sexist, and as if we were not the adults who transferred the model to them).
In short, we have to work hard, but much more: listen to them, understand them, accept them, help them (when they need help), set an example, offer them opportunities…. And now yes, I leave you with the video.