Almost all of us have experienced feelings of shame at one time or another. While shame can make some of us feel down and sad, others ignore it and move on with their lives. It is a difficult emotion to cope with, especially for children.. Shame can make your child feel deeply self-conscious or uncomfortable. However, being taught to lose shame can be a valuable learning experience.
feelings of shame can lower your child's self-esteem and take a toll on their confidence. As parents, we need to teach our children how to deal with those feelings effectively. But, for this, it is also necessary that we understand well what shame really is.
What is shame?
Like human beings, we establish rules of conduct and act in accordance with them. But when we do not act according to the established norms and draw the attention of others, we feel uncomfortable and the concern of being negatively evaluated increases.
This feeling is called shame. Children become shy or uncomfortable in certain situations when they stop being babies. Feelings and signs of shame in children can manifest as sweating, stuttering, or blushing.
Shame can have a positive outcome
When we feel ashamed, we send a message that we regret our action and will do our best not to repeat it. Therefore, even if the feeling of shame makes the child feel uncomfortable, if handled properly it can also generate positive results by encouraging the child to:
- Be better prepared to face challenges in the future.
- Avoid displaying behaviors that may make them lose self-respect.
- Show empathy towards other people who feel embarrassed.
How to help your child lose their embarrassment
Children need help dealing with embarrassing moments. Helping your child deal effectively with these situations can increase his self-confidence and self-esteem. Also can give you the strength to open up to new experiences. Therefore, it is important that you guide your child on how to overcome and lose shame. Now, let's see some tips that can help you in this task.
- Be a good role model. A child learns almost everything by watching his parents, even when dealing with difficult situations and emotions. So when you find yourself in an embarrassing situation, be honest about what you're experiencing and act in the best way possible so that your child sees a good way to deal with the situation.
- Don't make fun of him. When your child makes a mistake or has been through an embarrassing situation, don't make jokes about it. For you it may be a humorous situation without importance, but your child can experience it in a very intense way. Ridiculing your child can make him even more frustrated, as well as making him feel very insecure. The feelings that make him uncomfortable will be very negatively enhanced, so it is better to avoid laughing in front of him.
- Validate their feelings. When your child experiences an embarrassing moment and tells you about it, or witnesses it directly, validate their feelings negatives. A sincere hug or simply telling her that you understand how she must feel can make her feel much better. This will give you the strength to cope and overcome this embarrassing situation.
- Tell him anecdotes that you have caused shame. When your child feels embarrassed about something, he may feel that he is the only person who feels that way, or that he is wrong in that way. To eliminate these feelings of loneliness, tell your child that you are wrong too. This will make him understand that anyone can make mistakes, and that we should all overcome those embarrassing situations in the best possible way.
- Feed your confidence. Shame triggers feelings of fear, criticism, and failure. This can make your child want to avoid doing new things or move out of their comfort zone. That is why it is important to accept shame as a normal emotion that is part of life. We must continue living and doing new things even though we may fail. By promoting self-confidence, we will prevent him from wanting to live experiences that may be uncomfortable in the future.
- Teach visualization techniques. Cervantes once said “Being prepared is half the victory”. So he asks your child to visualize an embarrassing situation and also think of a way to deal with it. If it is difficult for him, you can present him with hypothetical situations, and ask him what he would do to get out of that hypothetical situation. This exercise will prepare your child to deal with his feelings when he is faced with an uncomfortable situation, because he will have already experienced them in this controlled exercise.