These are words that we sometimes need to hear. We need it when we're feeling bad because one guy thought we were hitting on each other when we were just pretending to be nice. Or when we see that the person we love does not behave in the way we expected. When we are treated as objects rather than people.
Those times when they doubted you because of your attitude, because of your clothes, because you were a woman and went out alone. All those times, when we are blamed for something that a man is allowed, we need to know that someone protects us, understands us and supports us.
The difference between kindness and flirtation
It is culturally well accepted that if you smile at a man, touch his hair, or just blush, you are trying to get his attention. But sometimes you just pretend to be nice, you don't want to go out with him, or kiss him, Nothing like that. This is something that some men find it difficult to understand, because, I insist, it is culturally accepted that way and they do not believe they are wrong.
No, it is not because of your attitude, nor your clothes
In cases of abuse or rape, the victim tends to be blamed for an alleged provocative attitude, or for the clothes she is wearing. The reality is that it doesn't matter, because a smile can be as provocative for an aggressor as a screw kiss, a tight skirt, or grandma's nightgown. It is his mind that imagines you attractive to him, no matter what you do.
Educate in consent
Many unreported cases of rape or abuse occur within the couple, or with a close friend. This occurs because it is also culturally accepted that If a woman doesn't say no, she means yes. Sometimes it's just that he hasn't reacted.
It is common to accept doing things that you do not feel like doing, due to the fact of pleasing or being a couple. Besides being a mistake, anything done under duress, it is by system an abuse. You don't have to do what you don't want. Your partner or your friend must understand that shutting up or staying still is not a yes. Only a yes means yes.
When the woman herself attacks
It is chilling to see how some women adopt attitudes against their own gender. They blame the victims instead of the bullies. They judge other women for their attitude, for their freedom, for not depending on anyone. It is unfortunate when this happens and it is a nefarious example for our children.
When you judge another woman you are teaching your children not to respect others. You also teach them that a woman must meet more social norms than a man must. If you have a daughter, she will think that she has the right to judge other women and that she will be constantly questioned by her partners. You will learn to compete, with the stress and pressure on your self-esteem that this implies.
An important word to introduce into the vocabulary is "sisterhood", an Americanism, referring to the solidarity that occurs between women. That feeling of camaraderie that mutual understanding gives us, due to the similarity of our circumstances.
Equality and respect for people
It is of utmost importance that we educate our children in equality, and that we do not let them assume gender roles, which can make them fall into very harmful mistakes for them. I want to say that to educate in equality is not to educate a boy or a girl, but to educate a person.
Every human being deserves respect and should respect others, for the mere fact of being people. No matter your biological sex, or your sexual identity, they are all people.
The current system does not meet the needs of a diverse society. In which no woman has to fight twice, to get to the same point as a man. A society in which a man also has the freedom to be himself. Where there is co-responsibility with the children and a true family and work conciliation.
A different society, in which no victim has to be believed. That in which a woman is respected as a person and does not need to defend herself from anyone, or anything.