UThordis Elva noTom Stranger badibana ngaphezulu kweminyaka engama-20 eyadlulayo, kwaye nangona ulwalamano lwabo lwaqala njengalo naliphi na elinye ikamva labakwishumi elivisayo, isiganeko esibuhlungu sayiphelisa ... UTom wayeneminyaka eyi-2 kunye no-Thordis 18, kwaye babese-Iceland (indawo yokuzalwa kwentombazana kunye nendawo yokutshintshiselana ngaye). Ngenye imini ngeholide u-Elva wadlwengulwa ngulowo wayethandana naye, bakhawuleza bahlukana, yaye ukugqiba kwakhe inkqubo yotshintshiselwano, wabuyela eOstreliya.
Kule posi ndifuna ukuthetha malunga nemvume yesini, into esikholelwa ukuba ayifakwanga kulo naluphi na ulwalamano, kodwa ayenziwangaNgapha koko, umntu omnye kwabahlanu odlwengulwe eSpain wenziwa ngumntu olaziyo ixhoba (umndilili waseYurophu uyakhathaza nangakumbi). Phambi kokuba ndigqibe ngesishwankathelo sebali elindikhuthazayo: UThordis wabandezeleka emzimbeni nasengqondweni, njengoko kulindeleke ukuba le yokugqibela ihlale iminyaka eliqela. Kwaye ubomi bakhe bathatha into engalindelekanga xa ebhalela uTom ileta; Indoda yalwamkela uxanduva lwayo ngokwenzekileyo, kodwa yayinyanisekile: ityala libe liqabane.
Kulo Unakho ukufikelela kwividiyo yeTedWomen Kwiphepha lika-2016: bacebise ukuphakamisa amazwi abo ukuze ubundlobongela obuphathelele kwezesondo bube yinto yabantu bonke, hayi eyabasetyhini kuphela. Bebonke babhale incwadi ngamava ababelana ngawo [hayi kuphela udlwengulo kodwa nokudibana kwakhona kule minyaka idlulileyo, ibizwa ngokuba "nguMzantsi woXolelo" (into efana "noMzantsi woxolelo")]. Ndingathanda ukuqaqambisa inxenye yesifundo sikaTed, xa uTom ethetha ngosuku awadlwengula ngalo iqabane lakhe, Abanye benu bathathe isigqibo sokuzivumela ukuba bathathwe ziimpembelelo ezithile ezimbi, ezamenza ukuba akholelwe ekufanelekeni ukuthanda kunye nomzimba kaT Thordis; kwaye oku kwenzeka ngaphandle kokuba ngexesha lokuphuhliswa kwayo yayichukunyiswe yimizekelo elungileyo yonyango lwabasetyhini.
Yile nto kanye ndiyichazileyo, eqinisekisa isidingo sokubandakanya imvume kwimfundo yesondo.
Imvume yesondo, kutheni iyimfuneko?
Ngaphandle kweminyaka yobudala bemvume esemthethweni (okwangoku i-16 iminyaka ubudala), Kuyimfuneko ukuhambisa umbono wokuziphatha ngokwesondo okunempilo. Imvume yinxalenye yamalungelo ezesondo asisiseko kunye neenkxalabo kuluntu lonke: ayisibafazi bodwa, kodwa (nangaphezulu kwako konke) amadoda. Kuqhelekile ukuqaphela oomama nootata abakhathazekileyo xa intombi ikhula, kwaye ngenxa yale nkxalabo, kuvela iingcebiso zokuzikhusela; Nangona kunjalo, kuphela yinkcubeko yokuvuma enokuthi ilwe nenkcubeko yokudlwengulwa, yiyo loo nto xa sinabantwana abangamakhwenkwe kufuneka senze umzamo wokubaxelela ukuba abekho kwaye abayi kuba ngabanini bomzimba wakhe nabani na, kwaye ukuba nabuphi na ubudlelwane bezesondo isempilweni (kwaye iyoneliseka) ukuba kukho isivumelwano esicacileyo.
Kwaye ukongeza kwisivumelwano esicacileyo, ezinye izinto ezinje ngelungelo elinye lala maqela lokutshintsha ingqondo, okanye ukuhlonipha umntu ongazazi ngokupheleleyo izigqibo zakhe ngenxa yeempembelelo zotywala, okanye ngesinye isizathu, kuthathelwe ingqalelo. "Hayi hayi hayi", kulula kangangokuba kubonakala ngathi bubudenge ukuyichaza kodwa kuyacaca ukuba abantu bethu abancinci bakhula bengqongwe yimiyalezo evela kulonto siyibiza ngokuba "yinkcubeko yokudlwengula". Yenza ngokwesimo sasesitalatweni, ukubeka ityala kubundlobongela obuphathelele kwezesondo kwixhoba ngenxa yendlela yabo yokunxiba, iingoma zengoma, ukuphathwa gwenxa kwonyango lwabasetyhini kwiinethiwekhi zonxibelelwano, njalo njalo ...
Amantombazana amaninzi kunokuba ucinga ayadlwengulwa, kwaye akusoloko ngumntu ongamaziyo kwindlela; Ambalwa amantombazana athetha ngamava abo kunokuba ucinga. Umfazi akufuneki afumaneke xa indoda (nabani na) ifuna ukulala naye. Sikwanayo neminqweno yethu yesini, kodwa lilungelo lethu ukugcina ubudlelwane esibafunayo, nabo sifuna nabo, kwaye ngexesha esifuna ngalo.
Ndizichaza ngcono kancinci.
Ndithethile ngesivumelwano, nangona ndandingathethi kulo naluphi na uhlobo lwesivumelwano esibhaliweyo phakathi kwamaqela. Uyabona, kulula nje ngolu hlobo:
Intombazana ifuna: emva koko kukho isivumelwano, Cacisa ukuba kubudlelwane bokugcina enye kunye nenye kufuneka ikwazi ukuveza iminqweno yabo kwaye banethemba lokuba banelisekile. Umzekelo, ukuba uyindoda kwaye unobudlelwane nomlingane owabelana naye ngesondo, kuya kufuneka ukhumbule ukuba into efunwa lelinye iqela ibalulekile njengokuba ufuna, ukuba uvakala ungathethi ngomlomo ukuba uziva iintlungu okanye awonwabanga, oko kuthetha ukuba kufuneka ume umcele.
Akukho sivumelwano xa:
- Umfazi akafuni ngesondo.
- Umfazi uthi ufuna isondo kodwa utshintsha ingqondo, ayinamsebenzi ukuba bobabini sele beqalisile ukukhulula: ukuhlonipha ukuthanda kuya kuba ngaphezulu kweenkcukacha ezincinci.
- Umfazi uthi ewe, kodwa phantsi koxinzelelo: "Ukuba awundabelani ngesondo ngoku, awundithandi", "Kutheni ungaziva ngathi uye wathi hayi?", "Kutheni ungafuni ' Ngaba uzive ngathi ubufuna izolo? ", ...
- Umfazi unamathandabuzo amaninzi: kungcono ukuba kucaciswe kuqala.
- Umfazi unxilile kwaye uzama ukwala ubudlelwane.
- Umfazi uqulekile ekusebenziseni utywala okanye ezinye iziyobisi, okanye uwa engabikho zingqondweni ngelixa egcina ubudlelwane.
- Ndingaqhubeka kodwa kulula njengokuqonda kunye nokwamkela ukuba ayingohayi, kwaye nayo yonke into engenguye EWE ikwayie NO.
Ndingayichaza ngenye indlela: bubundlobongela obuphathelele kwezesondo ukuba iqabane linyanzelwe kubudlelwane bezesondo. Kodwa kutheni ndihlala ndithetha ngemvume yentombazana? Kucacile nokuba bobabini kufuneka bavume, okwenzekayo kukuba baninzi abantu ababhinqileyo abangamaxhoba ubundlobongela obuphathelele kwezesondoOku kunjalo, ngoku asinakuqala "ukuphosa iibhola ngaphandle." Uyayithanda le vidiyo ilandelayo kwiBlue Seat Studios 🙂:
Ukunqongophala kwemvume kuchasene namalungelo abasetyhini abasetyhini.
Ijenali yaseMexico yezeNtlalontle ipapasha inqaku elinomxholo Imvume yesondo: uhlalutyo ngombono wesini, apho kwathiwa "Ukunika okanye ukufumana imvume ngumba obaluleke kakhulu, iziphumo zokwamkela okanye ukungabinayo enye indlela, ukungabi nayo enye indlela, yokungabinamandla okwala .... Ngale ndlela ndibuyela kumbono ochazwe apha ngasentla, oya kuwuqonda lo mbandela njengoluntu luphela, ingabi ngabafazi bodwa.
Hambisa umyalezo ocacileyo kumantombazana… nakumakhwenkwe.
Ubudlelwane bezesondo bugcwele ubuqhetseba, kodwa kubalulekile ukuba umba wemvume ucace gca, kwaye amantombazana angakhuli ecinga ukuba kufanelekile, kufuneka aphephe ukuxhomekeka kwimpahla, ukuba ukuthanda kwabo akukho semthethweni, njl. Oku kungenxa yokuba kule minyaka idlulileyo banokuhlangabezana neemeko ezingafunekiyo, kwaye kungcono ukuba ubabone kwaye ubakhanyele ngexesha.. Njengokuba besesitshilo, umfazi angadlwengulwa yindoda athandana nayo okanye indoda yakhe, kunjani oko? Kulula njengokuba ukuba liqabane lomntu kunganiki lungelo lokulala naloo mntu ngokweminqweno yakhe.
Nawuphi na umntwana oyintombazana uya kuthi ngelinye ixesha afumane umyalezo wokuba ungumnini womzimba wakhe, nayiphi na inkwenkwe iya kuthi ngelinye ixesha ive ukuba umzimba wabo baya kuba ngamaqabane ayo awungowakhe.
Ndiyicacisile: khapha ifayile ukukhula ngokwesondo kwamantombazana namakhwenkwe, kukwathetha ngokucacileyo kwemvume, kwaye ubenze babone oko Ubudlelwane abusoze bulingane kwaye banelise ukuba omnye wabantu abayinxalenye yobudlelwane, inyanzelwe okanye icaciswe gca ukuba yenze into.