Kusemthethweni ukuba "Ngezizathu ezilishumi elinesithathu" ziya kuba nenxalenye yesibini. Uyayazi into endithetha ngayo, kodwa ukuba kunokwenzeka ... imalunga nolungelelwaniso olwenziwe yiNetflix kunye neParamount kumabonwakude kwimisebenzi yezahluko ezili-13 ezaqala ukubonwa ekupheleni kuka-Matshi. Ibali lokuqala lixelwe kwinoveli ebhalwe nguJay Asher ebizwa ngokuba "zizizathu ezilishumi elinesithathu zokuba kutheni", kwaye imveliso kamabonakude ibiphethe imvumi u-Selena Gómez.
Nokuba awukayiboni, ngokuqinisekileyo uya kuyazi iyelenqe, kuba umxholo wayo kunye nezimvo ezahlukeneyo bezikho kwiiNethiwekhi zeNtlalo kangangeeveki. Inkqubo kwimiba yangoku kunye nobukrakra obubonisa ukuzibulala komntu ophambili, zizibophelelo kumbukeliNangona kunjalo, zombini izinto eziluncedo ekuhlaleni kunye nokulungela kwabantwana ukufikelela ekubukeni kwe "Ngezizathu Ezilishumi elinesithathu", ngaphandle kwenkampani okanye ukubekwa esweni kwabantu abadala, kubuzwa.
Ndiyichaza kwenye yemibhalo engezantsi, kodwa ndifuna ukwandisa le ntetho kancinci: ukuzibulala kwaziwa njengobhubhane ongathethiyo. Ubhubhane ngenxa yezehlo kumazwe ahambele phambili kwezobupolitika: oyena nobangela wokufa kwabantu ngokungaqhelekanga, owesibini kulutsha; cwaka ngoba ayithethi, kwaye into engabizwanga ngegama iyadlula (kwaye ngaphandle kwengxolo). Kodwa ngequbuliso, uthotho lwenza ukuba lubonakale uthotho lweengxaki kwilizwe lokufikisa, kwaye lisibalisele ibali lika intombazana ethatha ubomi bayo, kwaye ikwenza oko njengendlela "yokuziphindezela", Ukutyhila ukungabi nathemba xa ujongene nenkohlakalo yokuphathwa gadalala nokungakhathali.
Kodwa Ngaba leyo yindlela echanekileyo yokubonisa umdlalo wale milinganiselo? Ngaba kuyinyani ukuba emva kweendaba (okanye ukubukela kule meko) yokuzibulala kunokwenzeka nabanye ngenxa yempembelelo "yeWerther"? Ngaba iintsapho kufuneka zikhusele abantwana kumxholo othile? Ndizakuzama, phakathi kwezinye izinto, ukuphendula le mibuzo. Ubuncinci ndizimisele ukubonisa kwaye ndikumema ukuba wenze njalo.
"Ngezizathu ezilishumi elinesithathu", uthotho.
Abalinganiswa abaphambili liqela labakwishumi elivisayo, ikakhulu uHana Baker oneminyaka eli-17 ubudala, omtsha kwiZiko. Emva kokuzibulala kwakhe, omnye wabahlobo bakhe ufumana iiteyiphu ezinamacala amabini, ebonisa ukuba uzidlulisela kubo bonke abo kuthiwa banempembelelo ekufeni: zizizathu ezili-13 zokuba athathe ubomi bakhe.
Intombazana ibangela ukubhubha kwakhe xa unyaka sele udlule ukungena kwiziko lemfundo, UHana uye weva ukuthotywa, ukudlwengulwa, ukungena kubucala bakhe, ukwaliwa ngumhlobo wakhe, ukuxoka, nokuhlekiswa, ... Kwaye ngaphezulu kwayo yonke le nto ngumzekelo ocacileyo wendlela uluntu kunye nokusingqongileyo okusondeleyo abangayikhathalelanga onesifo soxinzelelo, ukungahoyi imiqondiso yabo bafuna uncedo.
Emva kokuba incwadi yapapashwa ngo-2007, yayihlala iphakanyiswa kootitshala bezikolo eziphakamileyo zase-US. Ngokoluvo lwam lokuthobeka, siphila kwixesha lokungabikho kwamaxabiso obuqu nawokuhlanganisa awenza nzima ukuba abantu bahlale kunye kwaye bahloniphane. Ndiyathetha ngale nto ukuba ndiyasiqonda isidingo sokuba nezinto zokuxhasa noqeqesho lootitshala (njengomzekelo, eli phepha loLuntu lwaseMadrid), kodwa ndicinga ukuba isisombululo kukufuna inguqu enzulu kwezentlalo.
Singazifumana zonke iincwadi ezikhoyo emhlabeni Uthintelo lwe-cyberbullying, Ukuphepha iindlela ezahlukeneyo zomngcipheko, ekufumaneni umbono wokuzibulala. Kodwa okwangoku Siyaqhubeka ngaphandle kokumamela ulutsha lwethu, ngaphandle kokubanika imizekelo esempilweni, sikhuthaza ubundlobongela ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo ...
Ngaba kufanelekile ukuba babeke "Ngezizathu ezilishumi elinesithathu kumaZiko"?
Le yenye yeengxelo endizifundileyo kwezinye izimvo kunye nemiyalezo kwiiNethiwekhi zeNtlalo. Ndiyakholelwa ngokunyanisekileyo ukuba ayinakwanela (kwaye isenokungabi nzulu), okokuqala kuba into ekufuneka yenziwe ngabo banoxanduva lwemigaqo-nkqubo yezemfundo nezempilo malunga nokuzibulala kukuqeqesha iingcali kuthintelo, ukufumanisa kunye nolawulo (ngokwendlela esithetha ngayo oogqirha, ootitshala okanye abacebisi). Okwesibini, kuba (kwaye ndiyikhankanye apha ngezantsi) Kukho iiprofayili zolutsha olufikisayo ekujongeni kukudimazeka kakhulu, okanye ubuncinci ngaphandle kokuyilwa kwimisebenzi eyakhiwe ngakumbi ngenjongo yokufundisa.
Ngapha koko, yimibutho yezempilo yengqondo ejongene nokuzibulala ngokukodwa (njengokuba kunjalo Ingqondo y Headspace), Baye balumkisa ukuba kukho umngcipheko wokuzibulala kubuxoki bendawo apho uHana asika khona izihlahla zakhe. Yinto eyaziwa ngokuba sisiphumo seWerther (igama ngenxa yenoveli yeGoethe), abanye bathi kukho into enqonqozayo, ukuze iindaba zokuzibulala okanye into enjalo inokubangela iinzame zokuthatha ubomi babo kwabanye abantu.
Nangona kunjalo, uninzi lweengcali zempilo yengqondo, ichaze njenge "mpazamo enkulu" ukuba ungathethi esidlangalaleni ngokuzibulala, kuba umbono wokuba unokubangela uhlobo losulelo usilela kwisiseko sesayensi. Ewe kunjalo, phakathi kokwenza uvakalelo ngaphandle kokubonisa ngezixhobo zoncedo; okanye uyenze ngenjongo yolwazi, kukho umahluko omkhulu.
I-Australia ne-New Zealand zikhuphe izilumkiso malunga noku.
Ngapha koko, eNew Zealand, ukuthintelwa kokufikelela kuthotho kubantwana abangaphantsi kweminyaka eli-18 kucetyiswa ngokuthe ngqo, ngaphandle kokuba bayakhatshwa ngelixa bebukele isiqendu ngumntu omdala. Kwaye ukuba eminye imiboniso icace gca. Kwelinye icala, iintsapho zamantombazana kunye namakhwenkwe ezihambayo Amaziko emfundo eMontclair (eNew Jersey / eUnited States), ndifumene ileta ekhumbuza ukuba Nangona uthotho luyintsomi, lubonisa kakhulu kwaye ukhuseleko lweemvakalelo kwabo balubonayo lunokuchaphazeleka.
Esiphakathini sayo yonke le mpikiswano malunga nokuba iyanceda na okanye ayiyonto yomncinci, kufuneka kuqala sikhumbule ukuba ingqondo yomntwana okanye yokufikisa ayisebenzi njengaleyo yomntu omkhulu, kananjalo ukuba uninzi lweemvakalelo zabo zinzima ukuqonda nokulawula. Kungenxa yoko le nto ukuba umntwana ufuna ukuyibona, kwaye nabazali bayavuma, kungcono ngakumbi ukuba babekhoUbuncinane yile ndlela kunokwenzeka ngayo ukuba uphawule kwaye umamele indlela evakalelwa ngayo intombazana okanye inkwenkwe.
Ukuzibulala kulutsha: inyani kufuneka yenziwe ibonakale
Njengoko kukhankanyiwe ngasentla, sisizathu sesibini sokufa okungaqhelekanga ... sisoyikeka 🙁 Ngokubanzi, abantu abaninzi bayafa ngokuzibulala kunangeengozi zendlelaYiyo loo nto isivakalisi silandelayo kwincwadi ethi "Ukuzibulala kukaJonga" (UJuan Carlos Pérez Jiménez) ichanekile.
Amehlo omntu ozibulalayo athabatha umfanekiso wehlabathi elingenanceba, elibagubungele ngaphandle ...
Okubangela umdla kukuba, iinjongo zikaHana zezona kanye. Izizathu zokucinga ngokuzibulala okanye indlela yokuziphatha zithathwa njengezintsonkothileyo; kodwa kubantwana bolutsha loluntu kuhlala kunxulunyaniswa nokusetyenziswa gwenxa kweziyobisi, ekubeni ulixhoba lokuPhathwa gadalala ngokwesondo, ukuxhaphaza okanye isazisi esingacingelwanga. Olu luhlu lukwabonisa abazali abadidekileyo nabangenathemba, besithi abayazi into yokubandezeleka kwentombi yabo kwezi nyanga zidlulileyo.
Ukuzibulala njengempindezelo: umbono awukho mtsha.
Imvakalelo yempindezelo sele ilungile ngokwaneleyo ngomntu ngamnye, kwaye ikho kakhulu kuluntu lwethu: Into yokugqibela ekufuneka siyenzile ukuyidlulisela ngokwemvelo kubantwana. Kukhatshwa kukuzithemba okungafanelekanga, ke nabani na oya kuthi ngexesha elithile ebomini bakhe afune ukuziphindezela komnye umntu, kufuneka acinge ngendlela yokuziva ungcono, kwaye hayi indlela yokwenzakalisa abanye (okanye nabangonwabanga).
Ndifumene lo msebenzi apho inxulumene nendlela "isenzo sokuzama ngokuchasene naye sidluliselwe, kwimpindezelo yokufa. Ngamafutshane, luloyiso lwakhe kulowo kwakufuneka achaphazele ”. Kodwa ukuzibulala kubonisa ukuhlanganiswa koluntu olugulayo nolwahlukileyo, olukhokelela umntu kwiimeko ezimbi kakhulu, kwaye emva koko ikushiye ungenandlela.
Umyalezo oqinisekileyo ngakumbi uya kuba kukuhambisa amandla esigqibo somntu: uthando xa kuthelekiswa nenzondo, fumana indlela yokulungisa ngokuchasene nokuziphindezela ...
Yintoni engalunganga ngamantombazana kunye namakhwenkwe ayibonayo?
Kwindawo yokuqala, imeko apho uHannah Baker okweli xesha athabatha ubomi bakhe, yenye "yokungabuyi", kodwa kungenxa yokuba imiqondiso ayikhange iqatshelwe ngabanye, kwaye yena akasifumani sisisombululo esamkelekileyo. Apha, ngaphandle kwamathandabuzo, ukubandakanywa kwezixhobo zoncedo lokwenyani kwabo bahamba kwimeko efanayo kuyasilela. Njengesisombululo, i-Netflix isebenzisa eli phepha leenkonzo apho xa ukhetha ilizwe, sifumana izinto ezikhoyo ezikhoyo.
Xa ndiyiphonononga ndiqaphele inkcukacha ebaluleke kakhulu: Ndikhetha iUnited States neSpain njengemizekelo, kwaye eyokuqala inikezela uluhlu lweefowuni kwabo bathi thaca umbono wokuzibulala, okanye baziphethe ngaphandle kokulimala.. Kwelinye icala, eSpain sifumana iwebhusayithi ethi Gcina aBantwana ngendlela yokujongana nokuxhaphaza; Oku kuyasilela, ndiqonde: Ndiqinisekisa umsebenzi wentlangano, kodwa kuyacaca ukuba sikwanomanyano olululo ngakumbi noluthe ngqo. Kuba ukuxhaphaza kunokubangela ukuzibulala, kodwa zikho ezinye izinto.
Kuya kufuneka sithathele ingqalelo into eyinyani: ukuba ipesenti ephezulu kakhulu yamatyala okuzibulala abangelwa zizigulo zengqondo (emva kwazo kukho oonobangela abohlukeneyo), noxinzelelo olugqithile kwezinye.
Ngayiphi na imeko, ukubonisa ukuzibulala ngale ndlela, inokulingana nala matyala osaziwayo abaye bazibulala: idrama ihlala kunye "nobuhle" obuthile, kwaye lo ngumbutho onobungozi kakhulu.
Ithuba okanye umngcipheko?
Ngaba lithuba lokubukela olu luhlu kunye nabantwana bethu ukuze sikwazi ukuthetha ngazo zonke ezo zihloko zinempikiswano? Ukuthetha ngayo: ukuxhatshazwa kunye nokuxhatshazwa kwi-intanethi, ukuchaswa kwabasetyhini, inkcubeko yokudlwengulwa, ukudelelwa kwenkululeko yamantombazana ngokwesini, njl. Endaweni yokuthetha (ekufuneka siyenzile, kodwa emva kokuba sibamamele), umsebenzi osalindelweyo kukuqinisekisa ukuba bayakhula ngaphandle kwempembelelo eziyityhefu njengoko besenza namhlanje. Uzakundixelela "ayinakwenzeka lonto", kodwa "siyazama?"
Owona mngcipheko mkhulu kukuba onke amantombazana kunye namakhwenkwe akhe acinga ngokuzibulala, abonisa iimpawu zoxinzelelo, angamaxhoba okuxhatshazwa, njl. Banokubona imeko yokuzibulala kukaHana kuba iyinyani, kwaye nangona kunzima kakhulu, iboniswa njengekuphela kwento enokwenzeka ukuba intombazana leyo inako.
NgokweMpilo yaBantwana, kukho izinto ezininzi ezonyusa umngcipheko wokuzibulala kulutsha:
- Ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo.
- Ukubandezeleka okanye ukucaphuka.
- Ukuphelelwa lithemba okanye ukuzithemba okuphantsi.
- Imbali yoxinzelelo okanye ukuzibulala kusapho.
- Ukuphathwa gadalala ngokwasemzimbeni, ngokwasemzimbeni okanye ngokwesondo.
- Ukunqongophala kwenkxaso okanye ubudlelwane obubi nabazali.
- Jongana nesini okanye ubufanasini kwindawo enobutshaba.
- Imizamo yokuzibulala yangaphambili.
Izizathu zokuba ubeke enye into kwiTV kubo.
UJaelea Skehan, ngumlawuli weZiko lezeMpilo yeNgqondo, sixelele apha Izizathu ezi-6 zokuba kutheni uxhalabile ngothotho. Ungazifunda ngokupheleleyo kwikhonkco endilibekileyo, kodwa ikakhulu ithatha ingqalelo yam xa isitsho "Ukuba kuthunyelwa imiyalezo engeyiyo malunga nomngcipheko wokuzibulala". Ikwathetha ngefuthe eluntwini emva kokuzibulala, kwaye kubonakala ngathi uthotho luphulukene nethuba lokulubonisa ngokufanelekileyo. Ikwabonisa uthando oluthile kwintetho yentlekele (intombazana ishiya uphawu lwayo kwabanye ngelixa ibatyhola).
Ngamafutshane, umbono malunga nokucebiseka kokuthatha ithuba "Ngezizathu ezilishumi elinesithathu" zokuthetha nabantwana malunga nesifundo akubonakali kuyinyani.
Ukuthetha ngokuzibulala kolutsha: ewe, kodwa akunjalo.
Imithombo yeendaba (iindaba, iimuvi, iimagazini, ...) kufuneka zilumke kakhulu, Ewe, nangona ukufihla kungakulungelanga, akufuneki sithethe ngokuzibulala ngokuxuba ityala okanye ngendlela evuselelayo. en Esi sikhokelo siSebenzayo soThintelo kunye noNyango lokuZibulala, loluphi unyango olufanelekileyo olubonisiweyo:
Thatha ithuba lokuhlala kunye nosapho ukumamela kunye nokuthetha.
Ngala maxesha, ukumamela kubaluleke kakhuluKungenxa yokuba ukuba sizinikezela ekufundiseni, okanye sibamamele kuphela xa basixelela ukuba baliphi na ibanga abalifumeneyo, sinxibelelana ngokungafanelekanga. Abantwana bayasidinga, nokuba badala kangakanani: ngeminyaka eli-15 asizukubanceda babophe izihlangu okanye ishawa, kodwa sinokuba yinkxaso elungileyo yeemvakalelo, kwaye sibekhona.
Ukuthetha nge-machismo, misogyny kunye nokuxhatshazwa ngokwesondo.
Kule posi iphuma kwiPíkara Magazine, bonisa ukuxhatshazwa ngokwesondo, ngokungathandabuzekiyo eyona nto ihlupheka kakhulu uHana: omnye wabafundi afunda nabo uhlela iidonki zamantombazana, omnye umdlwengule, xa bengammangaleli ngokulula, njl. akukho mpatho ulinganayo, intlonipho kwisini sabasetyhini, ulwazi ngakumbi ngobundlobongela obuphathelele kwezesiniAyizukunceda kangako ukubona "Ngezizathu ezilishumi elinesithathu", kwaye icandelo lesibini liyakudika kwaye libuyele kwinto enye kaninzi.
Kumaziko ayenzeka: amantombazana abizwa ngokuba ngoonongogo, azama ukususa i-bra, umfanekiso wabo kwaye zihlala zisetyenziselwa ukunyelisa, amakhwenkwe acinezelwa kubudlelwane "bokuphosa". Ubusolusapho kwelona zinga liphezulu, nazo zonke iziphumo zalo.Ngaba eli lilifa esilishiya? Ke kuya kuba ngcono ukuba babengenayo impembelelo yabantu abadala, ukuze bazinike ithuba lokuhlala kunye, bazane kwaye bamkelane.
Ukuzibulala: ubhubhane ongathethiyo.
Rhoqo emva kweeyure ezimbini ezinesiqingatha umntu eSpain uyazibulala, umntu onosapho kunye nabahlobo, umntu owathi ngaxa lithile waba namaphupha neminqweno. Kodwa akukho nto ... masiqhubeke nokubukela imiboniso yokwenyani kunye nokhuphiswano kumabonwakude, yile ndlela ihamba ngayo. Kodwa hayi, ukuzibulala akulilo ilifa lesizwe, kwaye ukufihla kuxhaphakile. Esinye seziphumo zoku kukuba kuncinci ukuqonda, kwelinye icala, ukuba sithethile (ngokuchanekileyo) singathintela kwaye senze ngokuchanekileyo.
Mhlawumbi kuya kufuneka sigxile ngakumbi kubantwana nakwishumi elivisayo abakhula ngendlela esempilweni: kukho umsebenzi ekufuneka wenziwe, kodwa iziphumo ziya kufaneleka.