Ngokutsho sifundile eriiario.esIcandelo loMphathiswa Wezempilo, Iinkonzo Zoluntu Nokulingana, "Ulungiselela umthetho oyilwayo ukuseka ukugcinwa ngokudibeneyo njengolawulo oluqhelekileyo njengomzali omnye". Ngo-Epreli 2013, isigwebo sakhuselwa kwinqaku lama-92 leKhowudi yoLuntu, kwaye yabamba ukuba ukugcinwa ngokudibeneyo kufanele kuthathelwe ingqalelo njengesiqhelo kwaye kuyanqweneleka. Ukususela ngoko kuye kwaba yimfundiso yeNkundla ePhakamileyo.
Kodwa umahluko phakathi kwelungelo lokugcina umntwana ohluke njani kumzali omnye? Kwimeko yesibini, omnye wabazali ngulowo uchitha ixesha elininzi nabantwana, ngelixa omnye enikwa amalungelo okundwendwela, kunye nesibophelelo sokuhlawula isondlo. Ngelixa ngokugcinwa ngokudibeneyo, abantwana abancinci bachitha ixesha elingaphantsi okanye elingaphantsi kunye nomama notata.
Iinkundla zigweba ngakumbi ngokuxhasa le modeli (ngo-2015 ukuya kuthi ga kwi-24,7% yokwahlulahlula izibini ezinabantwana eziphele ngokugcinwa kunye). Isengaphambili inokuba sisisombululo "esifanelekileyo", kodwa ngaba sesomntu wonke? Umzekelo, esinye sezigxeko eziviwayo yile inxulumene nokwenza oku ngokubanzi kokugcinwa, nokuba akukho sivumelwano okanye ukuqonda, kuba kufanele ukuba kukhunjulwe ukuba kanye ukuyinika, kanye loo miqathango kuya kufuneka ifezekisiwe. Usapho ngalunye lukhethekile, ukwahlulwa ngakunye nako, imeko nganye kufuneka ifundwe ngendlela ethile, kwaye oku akuhambelani nokumiselwa komgangatho kwangomso.
Kwaye indlela yayifana "nekofu enobisi lwabo bonke"?
Umgaqo uya kuba ngowesizwe, ngaloo ndlela ukoyisa ukungalingani kwemihlaba kunyango lwalo mbandela. Ukuxhasa ukwenziwa kwamalungelo okugcina abantwana ngokudibeneyo, enye yeempikiswano yalatha ekuzinikeleni kuxanduva lwabazali, kodwa kwaye ayizange ibekho nini ngaphambili Ndinyanisa, Ngaba uxanduva lokusebenzisana luya kusebenza kwezinye iimeko oluya kunyanzelwa? Masingalibali ukuba elinye lamadabi ekusafuneka sililwe ekufuneni ukulingana, injalo kanye loo nto. Baninzi kakhulu abazali abangalaziyo igama loogqirha babantwana, abangazange baye kwiziko lokufundisa, abangakwaziyo ukulawula ixesha lokulala labantwana ...
Ukuthathela ingqalelo ezona mfuno zilungileyo zomntwana, kuya kuba lula ukuqiniseka ukuba sisisombululo esifanelekileyo kuzo zonke iimeko, kuba kukho iintsapho apho abantwana baya kwindlu enye nenye ngesiqhelo, besazi ukuba iimfuno zabo zigutyungelwe, neemvakalelo zabo zikhathalelwe. Kodwa kukwakho abo apho Bajikwa baba ngabantwana beesuthikheyisi abangaziva ngathi zezabo ezi zindlu zimbini, kwaye kufuneka banyamezele iindlela ezahlukeneyo zokuba ngumzali (ngamanye amaxesha ziyaphikisana) nokudinwa kunye nokuqhekeka oku kubandakanya, kuba uninzi lwezinto ezilindelweyo zenziwa ngeenxa zonke emntwaneni, ngaphandle koxanduva kubantu abadala olunokuba lunqweneleka.
Into kukuba wonke umntu akayithandi ikofu kunye nobisi (ndixolele umzekeliso), kuba kukho abantu abanganyamezelaniyo ne-lactose, abakhetha ukumnika, iijusi yeorenji, ibhotile yamanzi ... Oko kukuthi, izisombululo ngokubanzi soze ilunge.
Ukugcinwa ngokudibeneyo akuhambelani nobundlobongela obuphathelele kwezesini.
Olunye udidi olukhulu kuku ubundlobongela obuphathelele kwezesini: Kuyaziwa ukuba xa uneentombi kunye noonyana, banokuba ngamaxhoba esibini; kodwa akusoloko kukho isikhalazo. Ke xa ijaji ingazi ukuba olu dushe luyenzeka, alunakuluvavanya, nangona iKhowudi yoLuntu ibona kwangaphambili njengemeko yokuthintela ukugcinwa ngokudibeneyo.
Ukuthatha ithuba lokuba ndikhankanyile ubundlobongela obuphathelele kwezesini, kwaye nangona kubonakala ngathi akunakunxulumana, ndingathanda ukukhankanya ngokufutshane oko kubizwa ngokuba yi-Parental Alienation Syndrome, ayisiyiyo isifo, kwaye ayisekelwanga kubungqina benzululwazi. Nangona kunjalo, isetyenziswe ngendlela ethile yohlukumezo kootata ukufumana ilungelo koomama. Ndiqonde, ndiyazi ukuba yonke intombazana kunye nayo yonke inkwenkwe inoyise nomama, kodwa ilungelo lokucinga lomntu omdala alifanele lakhelwe kwiimfundiso, ukungahoyi ukuba i-SAP ingumbono ongaphezulu kwenyani. Kodwa ndibuyela ekuzameni ukufumanisa ukuba zeziphi iziphene eziphambili (kwaye mhlawumbi nezibonelelo) zokugcinwa ngokudibeneyo kuya kuba.
Izinto ezingeloncedo ngokuGcina uMntu ekwabelwana ngaye.
Ngokwolu phando lupapashwe ngo-2013 ngu Umbhalo womtshato kunye nosapho (kwaye yenziwa kuvavanyo lwengqondo olungaphaya kwama-5000 abantwana baseMelika), okuncinci umntwana, kokukhona isidingo semvelo sokuhlala kunye nomongi womntu oyintloko kwimeko yokwahlukana okanye yoqhawulo-mtshato. Nokuba iintsilelo ezichaphazelekayo kunye nezakhono zentlalo, ezifunyenwe kukuswela, zafundwa. Kungenzeka ukuba ukuyeka ukuhlala nomnye wabazali kuya kulwenza buthathaka ulwalamano lweemvakalelo kunye naye, nangona kunjalo kwi amatyala okwahlula Kuya kufuneka ijongwe ngaphezulu kwayo yonke into ngumntwana.
Kwelinye icala, iingxaki zinokuvela kwiikhalenda zokuqwalaselwa kwabantwana; Siyaqonda ukuba kwimeko yokugcinwa ngokudibeneyo, utata okanye umama kusenokufuneka anikezele ngezinto zobomi bakhe buqu ukuze kuzuze abantwana. Kunzima, kodwa akunakwenzeka: ukwakha ubomi kwakhona (mhlawumbi) iiprojekthi ezintsha, kwaye kwangaxeshanye uthatha inkathalo ngokwasemzimbeni nangokubambisana neentombi kunye noonyana, kunye nemfundo, isondlo kunye noluntu, ngayo yonke into abayifunayo; kwaye uyenze "xa ichukumisa", kananjalo yedwa.
Kodwa kukho nezinye izibonelelo ...
Izinto eziluncedo ngokugcinwa ngokudibeneyo (kwithiyori).
Nditsho ithiyori kuba bambalwa kangakanani ukwahlulwa okunobuhlobo okukhoyo! Ukugcinwa kwamalungu ngokuhlangeneyo kuthetha ukusetyenziswa kwelungelo lokugcina ngokusemthethweni phantsi kweemeko namalungelo afanayo, kwaye izinto ezintle ezinokufunyanwa zezi ikhefu elibuhlungu elincinci (ukuba ukuhlala kwabazali ngaphambili bekungalingani kwaye kunobuhlobo); izigwebo ezimbalwa malunga nomzali; lula ukufikelela kwizivumelwano kunye nokugcina unxibelelwano kubomi babantwana; ukutyebisa indibaniselwano kumakhaya amabini amatsha enziwe ngokwahlukana.
Ukuthathela ingqalelo: iimpawu ezifanelekileyo zokugcina abantwana ngokudibeneyo.
Amatyala esivumelwano se-100 sepesenti kunye nokuzibophelela kubonakala kunqabile, kodwa kweziphi iimeko apho kungasayi kubakho naluphi na uhlobo lwengxaki ngale ndlela? Vula esi sithuba saBasetyhini bezeMpilo, sifumana:
- Umnqweno ocacileyo ngawo omabini amaqela wokusebenzisa olu hlobo lokugcinwa.
- Bobabini abazali banezixhobo zemali zokugcina ukhathalelo kunye nemfundo.
- Ukuba izindlu zibekwe kufutshane ukuze abantwana baqhubeke nobomi babo bemihla ngemihla.
- Ukukhuliswa kunye nemfundo ngokwemigaqo efanayo.
- Kuya kuba lula ukuba ukhathalelo ngokwasemzimbeni nangokweemvakalelo belusetyenzisiwe, kwaye utata notata banezakhono ngokwaneleyo ukuba bangawutyesheli nawuphi na umba.
- Kuya kufuneka babe ngabantu abadala ngokwaneleyo ukuba bangasebenzisi abantwana ukuhambisa iimvakalelo ezingalunganga.
- Ukungabikho kobundlobongela besini.
Kwelinye icala zimbini iindidi kule modeliindlu eqhelekileyo apho abantwana bahlala khona nomzali "ekukujika kwakhe", kwaye ngaphezulu umama notata mabagcine iidilesi ezimbini zexesha xa bengekho nabantwana; kwaye eyona ixhaphakileyo kukuhlala kufutshane omnye komnye ukuze ubomi babancinci bube lula ngakumbi kwaye buzinze.
Nantsi ingxelo evela kumdlali weqonga uMar Regueras, ocacisa ukuba ifomula yokugcinwa komdibaniselwano ngokudibeneyo igcina imali kwimali yepenshoni, ngenxa yoko ayimangalisi into yokuba amadoda ayifunile. Ukunyamekelwa kwabantwana kwakubonakala ngathi kubangelwe oomama ixesha elide, kodwa oku kunganyamalala. Ingxaki (njengoko benditshilo apha ngasentla) ukuba uxanduva lokusebenzisana ayisiyonyani kwipesenti ephezulu yamatyala, ngaphambi kokwahlukana, kwaye oku kunokuba nefuthe elibi kunonophelo lwabantwana. Oko, kwaye akukho zinkcukacha zibaluleke kangako njengabantwana abancinci kakhulu (ukuya kuthi ga kwiminyaka emi-3 ubudala) bafuna unxibelelwano oluqhubekayo noomama babo.
Kungcono okanye kubi ngaphezu kokugcina ngokubambisana kusekwe "njengesiqhelo"? Ewe, kuyaxhomekeka, ewe, kwizinto ezininzi, kodwa kuyimpazamo ukuba ungavavanyi amatyala awodwa kwaye ngokweenkcukacha.