"Ubuntwana cishe abubonakali" futhi eziningi zezinkinga ezihlushwa amantombazane nabafana azibonakali nhlobo, njengoba kwenzeka kwezinye izinhlobo zokuhlukunyezwa. I- ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo nangokocansi (ASI) bavame ukunganakwa ngumphakathi ogxile kubantu abadala. Uma sikhuluma ngama-ASIs, kuyaziwa kusuka ezifundweni ezahlukahlukene eSpain (Félix López / Ministry of Social Affairs 1994), Europe, the United States and Canada, ukuthi amaphesenti aphakathi kuka-20/25% wamantombazane no-10/15 amaphesenti kubafana, angahlukunyezwa ngokocansi bengakafiki eminyakeni yobudala.
Ngaphezu kwalokhu, ama-80% wamacala azokwenziwa ngumuntu osondelene nomncane (noma omncane): izihlobo, othisha, omakhelwane, abaqaphi, abangane bakamama noma ubaba, njll. Ngeshwa, izinombolo zezisulu aziguquki ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, yize sonke sihlazeka lapho sizwa into ethile ezindabeni, noma siyifunda ephephandabeni esibhalisela kulo. Futhi abahlukumezekile bathola imiphumela yendawo engaphika amaqiniso, ibenze lula noma inciphise ukubaluleka kwabo; futhi emphakathini ongakulungele ukwamukela ukuthi yebo, ubaba angahlukumeza indodakazi yakhe, futhi yebo, uthisha angahlukumeza umfundi.
Ukungasho ukuhlukunyezwa okuphindwe kabili noma kathathu umuntu ahlupheka ngakho (sizokhuluma ngakho ngezansi). Futhi cha, bonke abantu abadala abazungeze amantombazane nabafana bayizilo, kepha siyakhohlwa ukuthi kungenzeka (okuseduze noma okukude), futhi lapho kwenzeka singasola lokho kuguquka kwemizwelo, ukwenqaba ukubona lo noma lowo muntu, i-enuresis eyenzeka eneminyaka eyi-10 ... kunoma yini engaphansi kokusola okuhlupha amakhanda ethu kepha ubuchopho bethu bufihla ngenxa yokwesaba okuvela kwimfundo esiyitholile.
Manje sengizokutshela udaba lwentombazane eneminyaka eyi-9 kuphela ebisibika ukuthi iyisisulu sokuhlukunyezwa iminyaka emibili, umhlukumezi kungubaba wayo. Uchwepheshe owamhlola wayekholelwa ukuthi le ntombazanyana yayiphupha futhi walivala icala. Ngemuva kokuhamba kwesikhathi, izingxabano (nokuningi) phakathi kwabazali abahlukene nobufakazi obubonakala ngezikhathi ezithile bokuthi okwashiwo kwakuyiqiniso, UMaría (igama elisunguliwe) wayefuna ukufakazela ubuqiniso bamazwi akhe.
Ukuvikelwa kobuntwana (okwangempela) kuqhathaniswa nokuhlukunyezwa okubili.
Ukukhombisa lokhu, kuqoshwe i-tape recorder esokisi, futhi yaqopha amahora amaningi okuxoxa nobaba nogogo nomkhulu. Enkulumweni, umzali ugcizelela ukuthi bekuwumdlalo nje, umkhulu uzama ukuphambukisa intshisekelo, ugogo adonse iphakethe bese eqeda ingxoxo. Kodwa intombazanyana yagcizelela ukuthi isidumbu sayo ngesakhe futhi akekho onelungelo lokuyithinta. Uphinde watshela uchwepheshe wezengqondo ngesikhathi sakhe ukuthi "ubaba wakhe wamthinta ngaphansi kwephenti lakhe", kanti lochwepheshe wabika ukuthi ukulandisa "kwakungekho ukwakheka okunengqondo nemininingwane"; ngempela? Ngabe sifuna intombazane eneminyaka engu-7 ikhombise amakhono okukhuluma obala ukuze ikholwe?
Imininingwane okufanele ngiyinake ukuthi umama, lapho ebukeza ividiyo yokuhlolwa, ubona ukuphazamiseka ekuhlolweni nasekugcizeleleni okunamandla entombazaneni encane; ngokungagwegwesi, ngiyangabaza ukuthi ngaphansi kwale mibandela kungaphethwa iziphetho ezihlonipha osemncane. Nayi i-video elandisa ngokuhlukunyezwa ababhekene nakho, kanye nesimo esifana nalesi esibikwe ngumama.
Izikhathi eziningi azikho izivivinyo zomzimba, kepha kukhona izinkomba, kanye nochwepheshe abahlola izisulu zezingane kufanele bagxile kuzo. Okubi kakhulu (uma kungenzeka) ukufunda ukuphawula ngezindaba engigxile kuzo, ngoba kubhekiswa ekusetshenzisweni komama entombazaneni, ngokuya ngeParental Alignment Syndrome, isifo esiyimpikiswano nesidingidwayo, kangangoba namuhla angizukungena. Ngokwami, yisho ukuthi:
- Ingane ingaqamba amanga noma ibe namaphupho amaningi, kepha cishe akukaze kukhulunywe ngokuhlukunyezwa kwezingane ngokocansi: abasunguli abangakaze babhekane nakho. Ake sibheke ukuthi kungena yini emakhanda ethu ukuthi ubuchopho bengane busebenza njengobabantu abadala.
- Ukuhlola icala lolu hlobo, umuntu kufanele azilungiselele kahle futhi aqeqeshwe kahle, hhayi bonke abasebenzi bezenhlalakahle, othisha, izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo, amajaji, njll. wazi ukuthi ungayibona kanjani i-ASI! Yini abaphathi abalindele ukuyiqeqesha? Ubuchwepheshe obuhle bungakunqabela ukuhlukunyezwa ngokocansi, ngiyagcizelela: ubuchwepheshe obuhle. Amaphesenti emibiko yamanga alinganiselwa ukuthi aphakathi kuka-2 no-8%. Kubonakala kimi ukuthi okusele kuyinani elikhulu ngokwanele ukuthi silinake.
Amantombazane, ukuhlukunyezwa ngokocansi nokuhlukunyezwa kabili.
Izisulu ezine kwezinhlanu ezingamantombazane, futhi ngaphezu kokuhlukunyezwa kwalabo abahlukunyezwayo, bathola amahloni, ukwesaba nokuzama ukufihla umhlukumezi. Ubumsulwa obulahlekile, buhlwithwe, ngothile othathwa njengesibopho sokuthanda nokuvikela. Zimbalwa kakhulu izisulu ezikutshoyo, futhi angimangali, ngoba ngaphandle kwemizwelo eyenziwe, abancane baphoqeleka ukuthi bathule ngohlobo lwesivumelwano sokuthula banqume unilaterally yinoma ngubani oye wacindezela, wathinta, waphoqeleka ukubuka i-porn, njll.
Lapho ukuhlukunyezwa 'kuvela' ingxenye yesibili yephupho elibi iqala: abakholwa, ayikho indlela efanele yokuphathwa yizikhungo, baphathwa njengabantu abadala, kufanele bayiphinde le ndaba kaningana ilandelana kubantu abathi abahlali benobungane njalo, Futhi sisafuna bakhumbule kahle ukuthi kwenzekeni, bazole, futhi banganqikazi lapho bechaza!
Ngubani ovikela izingane?
Kujwayelekile ukuthi ezimeni lapho abazali behlukaniswe khona noma behlukanisile, kuba khona umuntu osola elinye lamaqembu ngokufaka i-Parental Alignment Syndrome. Le mbono yasungulwa ngudokotela wezifo zengqondo ogama lakhe linguGardner, futhi yaqala ukubhekisa 'ekuhlanzweni kwengqondo' ezimweni zokumangalelwa kokubhekwa kwengane. Njengoba ngishilo, lesi sifo sike sabuzwa futhi sangabazeka kaningi, noma kunjalo kungaba kubi kakhulu uma uchwepheshe wokugcina (ngemuva kwabaningana) onquma ukuthembela kuphela kwi-SAP hhayi ekuhlolweni ngokuphelele kwesisulu.
Ngikholwa ukuthi amantombazane nabafana bayinto eyigugu kakhulu lo mphakathi onayo; ngombono wami ukuthi ingane kufanele iphendukele ekurekhodweni ukuze ikholelwe ukuthi isihlobo siyathinta kuyinto ebucayi kakhulu. Ukungenelela okufuna ukuvikela kuyadingeka, ukuvunguza kokuxhashazwa kwamandla ngendlela yezingxoxo, ukusabisa imibuzo nangaphandle kokusekelwa kwalowo ohlukunyeziwe, sekuvele kwaziwa ukuthi kuvikela umhlukumezi ngaphezu kwesisulu. Ngamunye wenu uthola iziphetho zakhe.
Via - Cadena Ser
Isithombe - UTammra McCauley