UThordis Elva noTom Strangers bahlangana eminyakeni engaphezu kwengu-20 eyedlule, futhi yize ubudlelwano babo baqala njenganoma yibuphi obukade bunezinkanyezi ezimbili ezisencane, umcimbi ohlasimulisayo wawuqeda ... kodwa hhayi unomphela. UTom ubeneminyaka engu-2 no-Thordis engu-18, futhi bebese-Iceland (lapho intombazane izalelwa khona nalapho bekuyoshintshaniswa ngaye umfundi). Ngelinye ilanga eholidini u-Elva wadlwengulwa yilowo owayeyisoka lakhe, bahlukana ngokushesha, futhi lapho eqeda uhlelo lokushintshanisa, wabuyela e-Australia.
Kulokhu okuthunyelwe ngifuna ukukhuluma ngemvume yezocansi, into esikholelwa ukuthi ibhalwe kunoma yibuphi ubudlelwano, kepha akwenziwaEqinisweni, ukudlwengulwa okukodwa kokuhlanu okuhlukunyezwa abesifazane eSpain kwenziwa ngumuntu isisulu esaziyo (isilinganiso saseYurophu sikhathaza kakhulu). Ngaphambi kokuba ngiqede ngesifinyezo sendaba engikhuthazile: UThordis wabhekana nemiphumela engokomzimba nengokwengqondo, njengoba umuntu engacabanga ukuthi lokhu kwaphela iminyaka eminingana. Futhi impilo yakhe yatshintsha ngendlela ayengayilindele lapho ebhalela uTom incwadi; Le ndoda yavuma ukuthi iyona ebophezelekile ngokwenzekile, kepha futhi yayithembekile: ukuba necala kwaba ngumlingani.
Ku link ungafinyelela kuvidiyo yeTedWomen kushicilelo luka-2016: baphakamise ukuphakamisa amazwi abo ukuze udlame lwezocansi lube yindaba yawo wonke umuntu, hhayi abesifazane kuphela. Ndawonye babhale nencwadi emayelana nesipiliyoni ababelana ngaso [hhayi ukudlwengulwa kuphela kepha nokuhlangana kabusha eminyakeni edlule, kubizwa ngokuthi "iNingizimu Yokuxolelwa" (into efana ne- "Ningizimu yokuthethelelwa")]. Ngithanda ukugqamisa ingxenye yesifundo uTed, lapho uTom ekhuluma ngosuku adlwengula ngalo umlingani wakhe, abanye benu bathathe isinqumo sokuzivumela ukuthi bathathwe ngamathonya athile amabi, okwamenza wakholwa ukuthi uyifanele intando nomzimba kaT Thordis; futhi lokhu kwenzeka yize ngesikhathi sokukhula kwayo bekuthonywe yizibonelo ezinhle zokuphathwa kwabesifazane.
Yikho kanye lokhu engikusanda kukusho, okuqinisekisa isidingo sokufaka imvume emfundweni yezocansi.
Imvume yezocansi, kungani kudingeka?
Ngale kweminyaka yobudala yemvume yomthetho (njengamanje uneminyaka engu-16), kuyadingeka ukudlulisa umqondo wobudlelwano bobulili obunempilo. Imvume iyingxenye yamalungelo ayisisekelo ocansi futhi ikhathaza wonke umphakathi: hhayi abesifazane kuphela, kepha futhi (futhi ngaphezu kwakho konke) amadoda. Kujwayelekile ukubona omama nobaba abakhathazekile lapho indodakazi ikhula, futhi ngenxa yalokho kukhathazeka, kuvela izeluleko zokuzivikela; Kodwa-ke, isiko lokuvuma kuphela elingalwa nesiko lokudlwengula, ngakho-ke lapho sinezingane zesilisa kufanele futhi senze umzamo wokubatshela ukuthi ababona futhi ngeke babe ngabanikazi bomzimba womuntu, nokuthi noma yibuphi ubudlelwane bezocansi bunempilo (futhi kunelise ngokwengeziwe) uma kukhona isivumelwano esicacile.
Futhi ngaphezu kwesivumelwano esicacile, okunye ukucatshangelwa kungacatshangelwa njengelungelo lelinye lamaqembu lokushintsha umqondo, noma ukuhlonipha umuntu ongazazi ngokugcwele izinqumo zabo ngenxa yemiphumela yotshwala, noma ngesinye isizathu. "Hhayi cha", kulula kangangoba kubonakala sengathi kuyisiphukuphuku ukuyichaza kodwa kuvela ukuthi abantu bethu abasha bakhule bezungezwe yimilayezo evela kulokho esikubiza ngokuthi "isiko lokudlwengula". Jwayela ukuhlukunyezwa ezitaladini, tholela ukusolwa kodlame lwezocansi kulowo ohlukunyeziwe ngenxa yendlela yabo yokugqoka noma yokugqoka, izingoma zomculo, ukwehliswa kokuphathwa kwabesifazane ezinkundleni zokuxhumana, njalonjalo ...
Amantombazane amaningi kunawe ocabanga ukuthi ayadlwengulwa, hhayi njalo ngumuntu ongamazi emhubheni; Ambalwa amantombazane akhuluma ngokuhlangenwe nakho kwawo kunalokho ocabanga. Owesifazane akudingeki ukuthi atholakale lapho owesilisa (noma ngubani) efuna ukulala naye. Futhi sinezifiso zethu zocansi, kepha kuyilungelo lethu ukugcina ubudlelwano esibufunayo, nobani esifuna ukuba naye, kanye nesikhathi esifuna ngaso.
Ngizichaza kangcono kancane.
Ngikhulumile ngesivumelwano, yize bengingabhekisi kunoma yiluphi uhlobo lwenkontileka ebhaliwe phakathi kwamaqembu. Uyabona, kulula njengoku:
Intombazane ifuna: khona-ke kukhona isivumelwano, Kucace bha ukuthi ebudlelwaneni futhi ukugcina eyodwa nomunye kumele bakwazi ukuveza izifiso zabo futhi bathembe ukuthi banelisekile. Isibonelo, uma uyindoda futhi unobudlelwano nomlingani ocansini, kufanele wazi ukuthi okufunwa elinye iqembu kubaluleke njengokufunayo, ukuthi uma uveza okungekho ngamazwi ukuthi uzwa ubuhlungu noma ungajabule, lokho kusho ukuthi kufanele ume umcele.
Asikho isivumelwano lapho:
- Owesifazane akalufuni ucansi.
- Le ntokazi ithi ifuna ucansi kodwa iyawuguqula umqondo, akusho lutho ukuthi bobabili sebeqalile ukukhumula: inhlonipho ngefa itholakala ngemininingwane engezansi.
- Owesifazane uthi yebo, kodwa ngaphansi kwengcindezi: "uma ungayi ocansini manje, awungithandi", "kungani ungazizwa uthanda uma uthi cha?", "Kwenzeka kanjani ukuthi unganiki ' uzizwe sengathi ubufuna izolo? ", ...
- Owesifazane unokungabaza okuningi: kungcono kucaciswe kuqala.
- Owesifazane udakiwe futhi uzama ukwenqaba ubudlelwano.
- Owesifazane uqulekile ngenxa yokusebenzisa utshwala noma ezinye izidakamizwa, noma uwe equlekile ngenkathi egcina ubudlelwano.
- Ngingaqhubeka kepha kulula njengokuqonda nokwamukela ukuthi akusuye cha, futhi nakho konke okungekhona ukuthi YEBO nakho KUNGEKHO.
Ngingaphinde ngiyichaze ngenye indlela: futhi kungukuhlukumeza ngokocansi lapho umlingani ephoqelelwa ukuba abe nobudlelwano bezocansi. Kepha kungani ngihlala ngikhuluma ngokuvuma kwentombazane? kusobala ukuthi omunye walaba bobabili kufanele avume, okwenzekayo ukuthi baningi abesifazane abahlushwa udlame lwezocansiLokhu kunjalo, manje asikwazi ukuqala "ukuphonsa amabhola ngaphandle." Uzothanda le vidiyo elandelayo evela eBlue Seat Studios 🙂:
Ukuntuleka kwemvume kuphambana namalungelo abesifazane ezocansi.
I-Mexican Journal of Sociology inyathelisa i-athikili enesihloko esithi Imvume yezocansi: ukuhlaziywa ngombono wobulili, lapho kuthiwa khona "Ukunikeza noma ukuthola imvume kuyindaba ebucayi, imiphumela yokwamukela noma yokungabi nenye indlela, ukungabe usazikhethela, yokungabi namandla okwenqaba ..., akuweleli muntu ngaphandle kwabo". Ngalo mqondo ngibuyela embonweni oshiwo ngenhla, okuwukuqonda lolu daba njengolomphakathi wonke, hhayi abesifazane kuphela.
Dlulisa umyalezo ocacile emantombazaneni… nakubafana.
Ubudlelwano bezocansi bugcwele ubuqili, kepha kubalulekile ukuthi indaba yemvume icace, nokuthi amantombazane angakhuli ecabanga ukuthi kufanele ajabulise, ukuthi kufanele agweme ngokuya ngengubo, ukuthi intando yawo ayivumelekile, njll. Futhi lokhu kungenxa yokuthi eminyakeni edlule bangahlangabezana nezimo ezingafuneki, futhi kungcono ukuzibona bese uziphika ngesikhathi.. Njengoba sishilo, owesifazane angadlwengulwa yisoka lakhe noma umyeni wakhe, kunjani lokho? Kulula njengoba ukuba umlingani womuntu kunganiki ilungelo lokuya kulowo muntu ngokwezifiso zakhe.
Noma iyiphi intombazane kwesinye isikhathi kufanele ithole umyalezo wokuthi ingumnikazi womzimba wayo, noma yimuphi umfana kufanele ezwe ngesikhathi esithile ukuthi umzimba walabo abazoba abalingani bakhe akuyona eyakhe.
Ngikucacisile: hamba ne- ukuthuthukiswa kwezocansi kwamantombazane nabafana, futhi ukukhuluma ngokucacile ngokuvuma, nokubenza bakubone lokho Ubudlelwano abusoze bulingana futhi bunelise uma omunye wabantu abayingxenye yobudlelwano, iphoqelelwa ngokuphelele noma ngokusobala ukuthi yenze okuthile.