Kuqondwa ngu ukwenziwa umzali lapho abafana namantombazane, ngenxa yezimo ezahlukahlukene, besebenza njengabazali babazali babo. Ngokuvamile bayizingane ezilalelayo, eziqaphelayo, ezinomuzwa ophakeme wokuzibophezela, kepha zinengane eyebiwe ngokwengxenye futhi inamanxeba angokomzwelo angavimba ukukhula kwabo komuntu siqu.
Izidingo ezingokomzwelo zalezi zingane zivame ukwehliswa futhi zithwala imithwalo yemfanelo engahambelani nazo. Sikukhombisa ukuthi yini i- izici wezingane ezinabazali, izinhlobo zokukhulisa, nokuthi yiziphi izimpawu ezingenzeka kulezi zimo.
Kuyini ukuba ngumzali?
Ukubekwa kwabazali yigama elivela kudokotela wezifo zengqondo uBoszormenyi-nagi ukubhekisa entweni ejwayelekile emindenini engasebenzi kahle, futhi umzali ongayedwa, kodwa hhayi bona kuphela. Imayelana ne- inqubo engazi lutho lapho izingane ziba ngabazali kubazali bazo. Ngakho-ke bathatha umthwalo omkhulu ukwedlula iminyaka efanele nokuvuthwa kwabo. Kwenzeka kubafana namantombazane.
Umphakathi wanamuhla uyakuvuma lokho izingane ziphathwa njengabantu abadala abancane, okwenza kungazi lutho, bobabili ngomama nobaba, nangabantwana uqobo. Abancane babona ithonya labo emndenini landa, lesi simo sibandakanya ukudunyiswa okuningi kunokugxekwa, kepha, ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, kuseseyisihibe somqondo. Ngale ndlela, izingane ziba yibo abaphethe ukwanelisa izidingo zomzimba kanye / noma ezingokomzwelo zabazali babo noma ezinye zezingane zakubo.
Kodwa-ke, kukhona ababhali abacabanga lokho le nqubo yokuguqula indima nayo ingasiza kwezinye izimo. Ingane ingabona lesi simo njengophawu lokwazisa nokubonga. Ukugcwaliseka kwemithwalo yemfanelo yokuthuthukiswa kwamakhono namandla ezinganeni, kuba nomthelela ekutheni babe ngabantu abadala abancintisanayo. Noma kunjalo, isigaba ngasinye sempilo sinemihlahlandlela nezimpawu zokuthuthuka futhi esimweni sokuba ngumzali lezi azihlonishwa.
Ukwahlukaniswa noma izinhlobo zokufakwa kwabazali
Esinye sezigaba ezivame kakhulu maqondana nokuba ngumzali yiso esihlukanisayo izinhlobo ezimbili:
- Emotional. Kwenzeka lapho omama nobaba belindela ukuthi izingane zabo ziziqinisekise lapho zicasukile noma zizivikele emiphumeleni engokomzwelo yezenzo zazo. Izingane ziba ukusekelwa ngokomzwelo kwezidingo zazo.
- Okomzimba noma okokusebenza. Kungenye lapho izingane kulindeleke ukuthi zinakekele izidingo zasekhaya noma zezomnotho: ukulungisa ukudla, ukunakekela ezinye izingane zakubo noma ezinye izinhlobo zemithwalo yemfanelo ezihambelana nabazali. Lokhu kubhekwa njengokungenabungozi kangako ezinganeni.
Ababhali uHoolper noWallace bathi lezi zinhlobo ezimbili zokukhulisa izingane zihlobene iziyaluyalu ezinjengokudangala, ukukhathazeka kanye nokuhlukaniswa okuthile. Baphinde bagcine ukuthi abantu abadala ababekhuliswe ngabazali kungenzeka babe ne-imposter syndrome.
Izimpawu ezibonakalayo zobuzali
Ukuhlanekezelwa kobuzali ukuthi uhlobo lobudlelwano olusungulwe ubaba nendodana-ndodakazi, umama nendodana-ndodakazi, luyabonakala kuqiniswa yisimo sabantu abadala. Imvamisa baphika ubuqiniso bengane futhi bazizwe sengathi konke bakwenzela ukuzizuzisa bona.
Ezinye izimpawu ezibonakala kubantu abadala, ngokwesibonelo, ukuthi ubaba baxoxe futhi babelane ngezinkinga zobudlelwano nezingane zabo, ngisho nangaphezu kwabanye abantu abadala. Ugxila empilweni yakhe nasekuzethembeni kwakhe ezinganeni zakhe, ufuna ukwazi ukuthi izingane zakhe zizizwa kanjani, nokuthi azizwa zinganakiwe. Ubaba noma umama banikela ngezipho ezikhetheke kakhulu ngezinsuku zokuzalwa noma ngamaholide, okwenza okulindelwe kakhulu ezinganeni. Abazali balindele ukuthi indodana noma indodakazi yabo ibambe iqhaza emisebenzini ehlongozwayo, futhi uma bengakwenzi lokho, bazizwa benesimo sokulahlwa
Ngokwengxenye yabo, izingane zizizwa zihlale zinecala futhi a isibopho kubaba noma kumama ngaphandle kokuphendula iningi lezicelo zakho. Kunzima ngokwedlulele, noma akunakwenzeka, ukuthi ingane ithi cha kumzali wayo. Izingane ezazinikezwe abazali, ngesikhathi sezikhulile zivame ukuthatha izindima zokuzibophezela kanye nabanakekeli ngaphambi kwabangane, umlingani nomsebenzi.