Kusho ukuthini uma uphupha ukhulelwe? 

Kuyenzeka uphuphe ukhulelwe ungakayicabangi indaba, noma ngabe usunqume ukungabatholi abantwana. Lolu hlobo lwephupho aluhlobene ngqo nendaba yokuzala noma ukukhulelwa, okuyinqaba njengoba kungase kubonakale.

Ukuphupha ukhulelwe ngokuvamile kusho ukuthi unemizwa yoshintsho empilweni yakho, noma yokufuna ezinye izinjongo, kodwa akudingekile ukuthi zihlobane nokukhulelwa nezingane. Lokhu kuyakuchaza U-Lauri Loewenberg, umhlaziyi wamaphupho ochwepheshe. “Amaphupho okukhulelwa ajwayele ukuxhunyaniswa nezinye izinto empilweni yakho ezisesigabeni sokukhula nokukhula. Izinhlelo ezisemisebenzini, noma mhlawumbe iziqu noma idiploma, okuthi uma sekufika ekufezekeni, ziphumele empilweni entsha.”

Amaphupho okukhulelwa ayizindlela lapho ingqondo yakho enganakile ikhuluma ngemizwa okunzima ukuyenza empilweni yangempela. Uma ungaphakathi ephusheni futhi ukuqonda kwakho okuphansi kulawula, uphoqeleka ukuthi ugxile ezintweni ongase ungazinaki noma ungazinaki, noma ungazivumi. Leli phupho lisinika ukuqonda kangcono isimo sethu samanje ngokusethula kithi ngendlela ehlukile. Izikhathi eziningi, uma sinenhlanhla yokukhumbula iphupho, singafinyelela eziphethweni ngezinkinga zempilo zangempela esingawelanga kuzo ngenkathi siphapheme.

U-Lowenberg usibonisa izincazelo zamaphupho ahlukahlukene mayelana nokukhulelwa nokuthi angahlobana kanjani nokwenzeka empilweni uma uvukile.

1. Uma uphupha ukuthi usanda kukhulelwa

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ukuphi phakathi [kwephupho lakho] lokukhulelwa, kuzobonisa ngokuqondile lapho ukhona mayelana nohlobo oluthile lokukhula nokuthuthuka empilweni yakho. Uma usuzokhulelwa kusho ukuthi nawe ukuleso sikhathi empilweni yangempela.

2. Uma uphupha ukuthi ukwi-third trimester 

U-Loewenberg uthi ukukhulelwa kokukhulelwa ephusheni lakho kuhlobene ngokuqondile nokuqhubeka komgomo wakho noma iphrojekthi. Uma ukwi-third trimester, kusho ukuthi usuzofika ekugcineni kwalo mgwaqo, futhi noma yini obusebenza ngayo isizofezeka.

3. Uma uphupha unesicanucanu

Nakuba ukugula kwasekuseni kungaba yingxenye yemvelo yokukhulelwa, ukuba khona kwayo ephusheni lokukhulelwa kungabonisa ukucasuka ngokomzwelo ngokuthile empilweni yakho. Okuthile kule nqubo yanoma yini osebenza kuyo, kungenzeka ukuthi isebudlelwaneni, ayikuphathi kahle. Ngakho-ke kufanele uzibuze, kulungile, ingabe lokhu kuyinqubo yemvelo yale phrojekthi, lobu budlelwano, lesi sihloko, noma yini, noma ingabe into engenza ngizizwe ngingakhululekile noma ngingalungile ngokungadingekile? Ingabe kukhona okufanele ngikubheke futhi ngikulungise?

4. Uma uphupha ukhulelwe amawele noma amathathu 

Mhlawumbe unezinto ezimbili engqondweni, noma mhlawumbe kunezici eziningi kule nto eyodwa. Kungase kubonakale sengathi wenza izinto eziningi futhi ukuqonda kwakho okuncane kukudlulisela kuwe ngesimo semibungu eminingi.

5. Uma uphupha ubeletha kodwa ngandlela thize ulahlekelwe yikho (lishona, awusaboni...)

Lokho kungakhombisa isexwayiso esivela ekwazini kwakho okuncane kokuthi kukhona obusebenza kukho. Ukubhekisise lokhu ngoba yinto okhule ngayo nayisebenzela. Ungakubukeli phansi ukubaluleka kwayo. Ungalahlekelwa umbono wakho.

6. Uma uphupha ukhulelwe ingane engeyena umuntu

Lokho kungakhombisa ukuthi lokhu kuthuthukiswa okusha empilweni yakho kuyinto ebonakala ixakile kuwe. Akuyona into oke wayenza ngaphambilini. Uzizwa uxakile, akuyona into ejwayelekile kuwe. Kungumlayezo osuka ekwazini kwakho okuncane ukuthi udinga ukuzijwayeza nalesi simo esisha.

7. Uma uphupha ukuthi owakwakho wakukhulelisa

Ukuphupha nge-ex, cishe ngingasho, njengokujwayelekile njengephupho lokukhulelwa. Sengikushilo lokho, uma uphupha ukuthi owakwakho wakukhulelisa, kuyinkomba enhle kakhulu yokuthi ufunde okuningi kulobo budlelwano. Ngandlela thize, lobo budlelwane buvumele ukuthi ubelethe ingxenye entsha yakho. Ukukhulelwa bekuzomela lonke lolu lwazi olusha nokuhlakanipha okukhulayo nokuthuthuka ngaphakathi kwakho, ngenxa yalokho.

8. Uma uphupha ukuthi uyateta kodwa ungazizwa ubuhlungu

Kulezi zimo ophupha kuzo ubeletha ngaphandle kobuhlungu kufana nokuthi uthi, akwenzeki lutho, yiqatha lekhekhe. I-subconscious yakho ikutshela ukuthi ungakhathazeki, angeke kube buhlungu nganoma iyiphi indlela. Vele uqedele leyo phrojekthi.

9. Uma uphupha unezinhlungu ubeletha

Uma uzwa ubuhlungu ephusheni, ngokuvamile buhlobene nobuhlungu obungokomzwelo empilweni yangempela. Ngakho-ke lokhu kungase kukutshela ukuthi usuqala ukukhathala ngokomzwelo, kodwa futhi futhi, usuphuzile nokukhulelwa. Ngakho-ke uyazi, qhubeka uphusha. Usuzofika.

10. Uma uphupha unengane embi

Nakuba izingane zizinhle ngendlela yazo, ungase uzithole usephusheni lapho ukhulelwe noma ubeletha ingane embi kakhulu. Lolu hlobo lwephupho lungakhombisa ukuthi kunento entsha empilweni yakho ongayithandi. I-subconscious yakho ithi, kunesimo esingemnandi esesivele senzeka empilweni yakho, kodwa uwena osidalile. Uwena owazala lokhu. 

11. Uma uphupha ubeletha ngesitho esingajwayelekile somzimba

Ungase ucabange ukuthi ukuphupha unomntwana ngezandla zakho kungase kube okungahleliwe, kodwa leyo mininingwane emincane ingakusiza uthole incazelo yephupho lakho. Kufanele unakisise ingxenye yomzimba wakho lapho umntwana ephuma khona, ngoba ukuqonda kwakho kukhethe leyo ngxenye ngesizathu. Bese uzibuze: Lesi sitho somzimba sisetshenziselwa ini? Ikhanda lisetshenziselwa ukucabanga nemibono. Ngakho [lelo phupho] limayelana nokuzala indlela entsha yokucabanga.

Ekugcineni, amaphupho akho (ahlobene nokukhulelwa noma cha) ayimininingwane yezinto obukade ucabanga ngazo noma obhekane nazo kwinkumbulo yakamuva. Uma uvuka ekuseni uzama ukukhumbula iphupho lakho futhi ulihlole, into engcono kakhulu ongayenza ukuqhathanisa konke okusephusheni nalokho okwenzeke kuwe izolo, qhathanisa imizwa yephupho lakho nendlela ozizwe ngayo izolo.